Ornithophobia

Dear Nobody,

Last year I made this pretty amazing blog about all the great times I had in CIM class. Sadly I finished my credit for taking it and couldn't bring myself to take it again. So nobody reads this blog because I don't write in it anymore, hence the reason it is addressed to nobody. But if someone is reading this, I must tell you, that you are a loser.

Anyways I had to write some beautiful masterpieces of creativity for AP Lang, and I worked really hard on this one so I thought I would post it in case some cool cat with no life wanted to read it. 

Everyone has felt the overcoming power of fear in their lives. Some people fear death or pain, extreme heights, clowns, homosexuals, pregnant women, or the Dutch. Yes, the Dutch. Anyways I can’t say I have the right to mock since I too have an extreme phobia. It is called Ornithophobia, the fear of birds. Yes, birds. I’m pretty sure they were put on this earth by the devil to torment me.

            When encountering a bird, there are two types of reactions that I usually have. The first type of reaction is freaking out within. I happen to prefer this reaction because it is less humiliating. This usually occurs when I will be walking somewhere and a bird is on the ground right where I’m about to walk, just standing there, torturing me. It’s not like I can even try to scare it away because I am a thousand times more scared of it then it will ever be of me. Lucky for me I have really really really AMAZING friends who will scare birds away for me (thank you Danielle). But sometimes, I’m left alone in this cruel dark world and end up having to walk a different way because a freaking bird is in my path!!!!!! Anyways the second type of reaction I have is completely and utterly breaking down in an emotional terror. This usually happens when I’ll be walking along minding my own business and a bird swoops down out of nowhere right at my face and barely misses my eye. By the way, I’m pretty sure birds don’t do this to anyone except me. Anyways, when a bird does this I cover my face with my hands and start screaming….loudly. I honestly can’t believe my friends put up with it, which is why I love them so much.

            Since my fear of birds has gotten to be pretty extreme, I’ve been trying to think about why I’m so afraid of them. I’ve had a couple of bad experiences with birds, which I could go on about, but instead I’ve decided to explain why I find them so frightening. So here it goes:

            First of all, it terrifies me when they fly. They really don’t have any control over where they are flying, especially if the wind is really strong, so what if they flew right into your face. They have sharp beaks and if they flew into your face their beaks would peck out your eye. Then you would have a live bird, with its beak in your eye, flapping madly around you. I’m pretty sure nobody would want this to happen to them. The sound of birds wings flapping really rapidly terrifies me and makes me nauseous. Also their feet, or talons, make me really scared. They are not only really sharp but they could also grab your eye and pull it out of your head. They could also rip out your hair or just scratch you in general. If a giant bird was attacking you and its feet were gripped tightly to your arm you could not get it off of you. I hate the way birds’ sort of move their heads back and forth while they walk, like flamingos do, it’s so creepy. The sounds they make are also creepy, people who like to hear birds “singing” are deranged. Besides birds do not sing, they screech. There is a reason why crows are the symbol of death, it’s because they are terrifying.